Half The Men We Used To Be
by maggalina
Summary: Inspired by Yesterday by the Beatles. This looks into both Harry and Draco's minds after the Battle at the Ministry.


"Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be

There's a shadow hanging over me

Oh, yesterday came suddenly"

* * *

Yesterday, oh Merlin yesterday, I was just a Hogwarts student. No one was depending on me and I wasn't... I wasn't marked.

Yesterday, I didn't know why I was 'The-Boy-Who-Lived', now I don't want to. I finally know why I am marked.

Was it really only yesterday that He decided I needed to replace my father?

Was it really only yesterday that I lost my second father?

I just want to scrub it off, I feel dirty and sick.

I just want it to go away.

I want to...

go back to yesterday.

* * *

He is always hanging over me. He has given me a task and I can't escape it. Why can't I just go back to the time when I was making Potter Stinks badges or mocking mudbloods in second year? I'd even put up with Umbridge being a control freak again. Just go back to any day but today. Any day and just freeze it. Never let today happen. Today happened way to fast, my father is gone and I am branded. I am his punishment. My death, because I know what this mark and this task mean, are just punishment. I try to act like this is an honour like Aunt Bella sees it but I can't. It is this shadow looming over my soul. This mark has stolen away any chance of me living through this. How can I kill Dumbledore? I don't like the man but I can't kill him. I am not a killer but I have to be. It isn't even a crup eat crup world. If I kill Dumbledore, I'm dead. If I don't kill Dumbledore my family and I are dead. I need to plan. I need to think. I need a way to deal with my fate. I need to make it out of this.

* * *

My destiny is hanging over me. The prophecy has made it so I can't escape. Why can't I just go back to playing Quidditch and the dueling club? I think I could even deal with Dumbledore ignoring me again. I just can't handle today! I can handle any day but today! I would fight Quirrell or the basilisk. I will go back fighting Dementors and I'd even go back to that graveyard. I would write my OWLs again! Just don't let today come. Today just, happened. Sirius died and everything was revealed! I don't want this anymore! I don't want to be the Chosen One! I want my godfather back and I want to go back to being as innocent as I was before today! Losing my parents wasn't enough? Now I have to risk my life to save—nothing big just the entirety of the Wizarding World! It is kill or be killed. I need to make it out of this, everyone is depending on me.

* * *

I'm still a kid! I'm not even an adult in the wizarding world! People are depending on me for something I can't handle. Someone has to die at my hand. I don't care he is on the opposite side. I can't kill someone. It clings to your soul. Not even the act, just the idea. I can feel it tearing me apart. It looms over my every thought. I lost him and I don't know what I will be able to do without him guiding me. I feel like a shell. I don't tell my friends, I don't know if I can. I can't ask for any help. I can't risk anyone else. I need to do this by myself but I don't know if I can. How can this be expected of me? I know my father would want me to do this. It is the path that has been laid out for me for years now. I think I always knew it. I didn't want to though. I just want to go back! Why can't I go back? Why can't I escape this?

Why can't I have my dad back? He would know what to do. He had his place in this war and now I do too. I just wish I had the chance to be a kid but fate won't let me. Why do I deserve this? What in Merlin's name did I do? Why was I picked! Out of everyone on this planet it is me. Me. Me who carries this burden probably to the grave. How can I defeat someone as powerful as him? He is the most powerful person on the opposite side and they expect me, nothing more than a kid, to kill him. How can I escape my fate? I just want OUT. Why is that too much to ask? Who the bloody hell expected a teenager to be able to deal with this? Can someone chuck them in St. Mungo's and maybe toss me in there as well. I will go insane. I swear I just have a loop of thoughts. Nothing new. Just fear. Just doubt. Just death. Mine. His. Doesn't matter. I don't have anyone to lean on anymore. There is no one I can tell. I just want everything to end. The war. His life. My life. Suffering. If I died do you think everything would be okay? Would my death fix everything? No. Someone has to kill him. Our side can't win with him living. My whole family was on this side. I can't let them down.

* * *

Do I even want my side to win?

How can I let my side lose?

Maybe Voldemort shouldn't win.

I can't let Voldemort win.

I don't know why fate chose me…

But I have to do something with it.

I am a Malfoy.

I am a Potter.

I need to deal with my fate.

I need to deal with my fate.

I can't let my family die

I can't let my family die in vain.

I will deal with this shadow on my soul even if it makes me half the man I was.

* * *

Submitted for the Quidditch League Competition. Chudley Cannons Captain! This was based on the lyrics shown at the begining and is exactly 1000 words. Hardest 1000 words I have had to write. Not only did tapping into these characters pain make me cry but so did filling the word count.

For anyone confused it goes;

The single lines go Draco then Harry. Paragraphs go Draco then Harry then both of them in one. The single lines go Draco then Harry then the last line is both.


End file.
